…that I got no mind to lose, to quote the immortal Ramones. Yet another “unusual” heat wave of five, count ‘em, five days of 90+ heat have melted my mind more effectively than any space alien. There have been so many of these allegedly rare heat waves lately that it’s pretty much like living in a heat ocean: one wave dies away, another one takes its place.

Does anyone know if Dante ever visited Oakland?

I’m currently eating a popsicle for breakfast. I already swooned through several errands this morning, when it was an icy 80 degrees:

• Safeway, to visit Ray and buy the all-important popsicles. Also revel in air conditioning. Maybe I could be a great Safeway employee. Then I’d have air conditioning all day. On the other hand, I’d have to deal with other people, and I hate them.
• The library, whose air conditioning is almost as good as Safeway, though instead of Ray they have librarians who appear to be brain-damaged at all times, not just temporarily in the heat, like Me. I bet I’d be a great librarian. I definitely have the glasses for it.
• Trader Joe’s, for delicacies unobtainable at Safeway. Bliss of air conditioning notably tempered by their keeping the front doors wide open (!) and by an unnerving numbering of shrieking children, not to mention the Communist Russia style line lengths. All true fashionistas know that lines are supposed to be short this season. Mini, in fact.
• Kragen, where I exercised my considerable dumb blonde skills. There appears to be something wrong with my car, since it pees antifreeze* or similar onto the driveway. Apparently they don’t make Depends for cars (or driveways, for that matter), so I asked my brother what to do. He gave me a list of things and stuff to buy and advised filling the coolant container with water until he can check it out and find out what havoc his dumb blonde sister has wrought on the car. I’m planning to go up next weekend to finally attend the Mendocino County Fair, so I can combine the cake judging and sheep dog trials with free car repair.
• One of the thousands of 76 stations around here (there are almost as many 76 stations as there are liquor stores and storefront churches) to check tire pressure and put in air if necessary. Again the helpless blonde routine worked to get the guy to do it for me. I know, but my years (months?) of getting away with this are running out, so let me enjoy it while I can.
• The vet, for flea spray to spray on everything. Besides being plagued with ants, the East Bay is also infested with fleas. So even though I dosed the kittens twice with advantage, I have seen the occasional flea and am covered with itchy and unattractive bites (which is worse?). So I’m going to have to spray all the floors, carpets, bed, etc. I can hardly wait.

However, all this will have to wait until it’s less than 80 degrees.

It may be a long wait.

*Don’t worry, I’ve been washing the spots out so Henry (or any other passing cat or dog) doesn’t think they’re a nice, light snack.

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BARTastic!

September 3, 2008

Usually, people are happy to meet with me in our quite nice San Francisco office. It’s in the heart of the financial district (if finance can be considered to have a heart), and less than a block to the nearest BART station. Add in the flat screen TV in the lobby and our handsome receptionist with the candy jar on his desk, and what’s not to love?

However, some people have much fancier offices than ours and want me to observe the fanciness while they observe how impressed I am. Others are allegedly local (up to 30 miles away) and want me to haul Self to whatever far flung burg their office is in to “kick the tires”. This tire-kicking motif* inevitably comes up when I have tried in vain to convince them to make the commute instead of Me.

So off I went to kick some tires at some distant locale. I ended up kicking myself instead.

When I arrived at the BART station, there was a suspiciously large number of people on the platform, looking even more disgruntled than usual. The train showed up, and we packed on in the manner popularized by Japanese bullet trains. The train just sat there stubbornly in the late morning heat. Finally, a disembodied voice ordered us off the train. We all trooped back onto the platform, and the train lumbered away.

A new, though apparently not improved, train arrived a few minutes later. It sat there coyly, refusing to open its doors. Eventually it, too, vanished. The disembodied voice informed us that there was a problem (you don’t say!) and there would be unspecified delays.

I called the guy I was supposed to meet with to tell him that I would be at least an hour late. I tried to reschedule, but he wouldn’t hear of it (being safely ensconced in his distant office), so I resigned myself to the mercy of BART.

Eventually a train came. It wasn’t going where I was supposed to go, but I figured I could transfer at the downtown Oakland stop. The train pulled out of my station, well over an hour after I first arrived there, with all the passengers doing an extremely accurate impersonation of a can of sardines and making it impossible for me to read the Vanity Fair with the Best Dressed List. After a couple of minutes, it stopped between my stop and the next stop, and had a little siesta.

Feeling refreshed from its 20 minute power nap, it did get to me to the transfer station, where I stepped out into a little piece of midtown Manhattan, being buffeted on all sides, attacked by errant briefcases, up close and way too personal with total strangers. I was relieved to arrive on the crowded platform to wait for Train Number Two.

Although Train Number Two was supposed to go to the end of the line, where I was supposed to go, it unaccountably felt the need for a Train One type nap when it was two stops away, and went out of service, yawning its way out of the station. It was approximately 20 degrees cooler at this station, which was wreathed in fog. Train Three appeared after only fifteen minutes, and I finally arrived at my destination a mere three hours after arriving at my BART station.

Once in the conference room, I could see that I was a few miles south of SFO , and almost directly across the Bay from Oakland.

*They can never resist sports metaphors, either, particularly baseball. “We really hit it out of the park this year”; “We always try to get on base”. etc. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a meeting where this didn’t come up, and I always smile to myself when it makes its appearance.

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Creeping Out

August 31, 2008


The creepy turtle paperweight

My weekend has been extremely glamorous so far. Yesterday, I poured boiling water on the weeds in the driveway, in an attempt to put them out of their misery before I yanked them out of the driveway. It’s harder than you’d think.

While waiting for the water to boil, I tackled the huge box of my grandmother’s junk, kindly hauled to my house personally by my sister Megan (who finally commented on my blog! Yay!). As I dug through the musty paper, I couldn’t help but wonder: how many Jell-O molds* and relish dishes does a girl really need? While pondering the inadvisability of naming a child Otis Clapp (as featured on a medicine bottle - possible slogan: Get the Clapp!), I unwrapped something that seemed to be moving. Eeek! Could something have survived in storage all those years?

But no, it turned out to be the creepy turtle paperweight, as pictured above. Not pictured: the moving head and legs. Apparently other people are not creeped out by the turtle, since research revealed that people have paid $400 to $600 for these at auction. One girl’s creep-out is another girl’s treasure.

Naturally, I had to call my sister to tell her of my run-in with the un-alive, yet overly active turtle. And as usual, she trumped my creepy story with one of her own.

Getting ready to do the dishes, Megan found the sponge hiding coyly in the depths of the sink. On wringing it out, it appeared that the sponge had a quite sizable poop on it. Naturally, she dropped it in horror, and was even more horrified to see the turd moving. On closer examination, it turned out to be a small bat, which flopped its traumatized way under the stove. Later, it emerged and my brother-in-law Rob caught it under a glass and set it outside, to the relief of all concerned.

How’s your weekend going?

*So far, I haven’t come across the Liberty Bell or the lobster, which I love. I have found the star one, which often contained the orange Jell-O with shredded carrots in it, and sometimes the red Jell-O with canned fruit cocktail. The green Jell-O with halved green grapes and ginger ale was generally reserved for the Liberty Bell.

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Still Coveting Cool

August 29, 2008

My sister’s garden

For a different reason: yet another of those “unusual” heatwaves. This is Day Four of the latest serving of Hot’n'Heinous Hell.  The kittens are melted by the door gasping for breath, and what little is left of my mind has finally melted away.  Hence the lack of posting in my fancy new blog, and the inability to grasp how the fancy new blog works.  That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it (and the unfortunately black leather) couch.

Of course, the heatwave arrived in Oakland at the exact same time I arrived back from visiting my brother and sister in the coolness of the redwoods, where - oh, imagine the bliss! - a girl needs a fleece right about cocktail time if she’s planning to continue hanging out in the garden.  Timing really is everything.

It was great to be away for a few days.  My iBook was in the hospital (now restored to health, thank you for asking), so I went computerless, and cell phone reception there is patchy, so I was quite delightfully incommunicada.  Instead of checking emails and voicemails, I went to the farmer’s market with my sister; had lunch by the ocean*; bought six completely delightful and wholly unnecessary glass peacocks with real feather tails for the Christmas tree (yes, in August); walked the dog on my siblings’ property; poked around in bookstores; had my fortune told by a swami in a tie-dyed turban; drank local wine in my sister’s garden while hummingbirds and bees buzzed around; and watched the sun set and the moon rise, accompanied by glittery, diamond-bright stars.  

*If you find you’re hungry while visiting Mendocino, get a hot smoked chicken and Swiss sandwich at the Mendo Deli and eat it outside overlooking the wild, rocky Pacific.  You’ll thank me later.

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Coveting Cool

August 12, 2008



There’s nothing like sneaking out of work in the middle of the week on a sunny summer day. Leaving looming deadlines at my desk and the cats in charge, I ventured to the Oakland Museum of California to check out the soon-ending Birth of the Cool exhibit, showcasing mid-century Southern California art and architecture.

The exhibit turned out to be one big Covet for me.

Pierre Koenig houses…who wouldn’t want to live that fabulous, martini-sipping by the pool lifestyle, overlooking the bright lights of LA?

Paintings by…

John McLaughlin and

Karl Benjamin. Gorgeous, minimalist, vibrant.

I wandered through the galleries, imagining what it would be like to live in such beautiful surroundings, with such beautiful objects. And whether it would be different now as opposed to then. Did the original owners see the sleek beauty the same way we do today?

More and more I wish I lived in the past when everything was so much more aesthetically pleasing.

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In Progress

August 10, 2008

I found a Blog Doctor to diagnose and treat my blog. I’m following the prescriptions and waiting for the results right along with you. The Doctor is so In that he’s working on it this weekend, even as I type. How’s that for above and beyond the call of duty? If only healthcare for humans was as good as it is for blogs…

Since I have no healthcare insurance, I had to resort to the QuickHealth clinic at the Farmacia Something, conveniently located right near the BART station. You sign in and wait, along with the madd(en)ing crowds. Then you go into a teeny room, chat with a kindly doctor from Mexico about politics and the weather while he takes your blood pressure (possibly affected by the political chat) and other vitals. Then you go and wait some more for the prescriptions, perusing the shelves of mysterious panaceas (what’s Volcano Oil used for?) while babies cry and cheerful mariachi music plays. Fifty dollars later, you’re out of there, and on your way to Wal-Mart to get your prescriptions filled.

If it isn’t Wal-Mart, it seems. But the prescriptions are $4 each, so it’s (hopefully) worth the bad karma and soul erosion to go there.

The waiting motif continued at Wal-Mart, once I located the pharmacy in the hangar-sized store. The pharmacy was technically open, but no-one was there, other than a line of irate would-be customers. Coincidentally, the guy ahead of me was wearing a Geddy’s Pub t-shirt - here on vacation. The girls behind me were from Detroit, also on vacation*, so the time was agreeably filled by chatting about both places. Once the pharmacy opened, it took forever for the ancient, harried-looking clerk to dispense with us.

The whole process, from Farmacia to Pharmacy, took most of the day, and left me feeling quite third world. My final stop was at Safeway, where Ray leaned over the cash and said confidentially of a guy leaving the store, “Don’t that look like a prison walk? I can just see him walkin’ around the yard at San Quentin. Mm-mm.”

*Apparently, vacationing in Oakland is hazardous to your health.

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No Comment

August 4, 2008

I know I’ve been frustrating the hell out of you, first with the inability to leave comments, criticism, and words of wisdom, and now the apparent ability to do so but not actually being able to. It’s been frustrating the hell out of Me, too, so that’s when some action had to be taken. And as usual, my thought was to get someone else to do it. In this case, it’s a total necessity, since I am a techtard extraordinaire, and if I even attempted to update Movable Type and export all the old entries, I know I’d manage to make them disappear, and I probably would, too.

Also as usual, I turned to Craigslist for help. I got my house, my car, CD shelves, someone to assemble the CD shelves and screen in the porch all on Craigslist. And it was also extremely efficient in helping dispose of the many items that used to fit in a big loft but didn’t in a small house. I have an entire Craigslist life.

So I’m hoping that soon I’ll have the comments thing fixed, and while I’m at it, a pretty new look. If you have any ideas or opinions about that or anything else, you can tell me at speakall at earthlink.net. Don’t hold back, ’cause you know I never do!

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Et In Acadia Ego

August 3, 2008



I met with a gentleman this week who brought his teenaged daughter along for the ride. She waited in reception with our handsome receptionist, CNN, and homework to keep her company while her father and I sat in the conference room and talked about dreary things like shorting and buy/sell disciplines. When we finally emerged, she shook my hand politely and told me that she was studying for school - which starts in two weeks. Two weeks!

When I was a girl, school ended around June 20 or 25, and the next day, we were packed into the car and on our way to Maine. School didn’t start again until (appropriately enough) the day after Labor Day, so we had nearly three months of total freedom. We had such a luxurious feeling of time stretching before us, time we could fill any way we liked: swimming, sailing, painting, visiting friends, going out on our friend’s lobster boat, climbing mountains, tea at Jordan Pond House (you haven’t truly lived until you’ve had their popovers), pool at Geddy’s, buying blueberry coffeecake and chocolate chip cookies from that lady in Southwest Harbor (she sold them out of her kitchen, and if she wasn’t home, you just left the money)…and then there were the Fourth of July Fireworks and Boat Race, the Lab picnic, and the library’s* annual book sale. Life was good.

In those halcyon days, Dad just dropped us off in Bar Harbor or on Sand Beach and came back for us later. He was occupied working in the lab most of the day, but he always found time for us. Of course, his idea of taking us swimming was lying on the beach reading the International Herald Tribune or the New York Times, but he always packed a picnic. Sometimes he even doggy paddled quite grandly, keeping his chin in the air and his eyes open.

While in Maine, we lived in the same cottage across the road from the lab. The biggest danger in those days was crossing the two lane highway to get to the lab or the tiny general store or post office in Salisbury Cove. Thanks to the magic of the internet, you can tour the very cottage we lived in, many summers ago.

My last visit there was in the mid 1990’s with my father and sister. Unsurprisingly, the door wasn’t locked (we never locked it, either - in fact, I’m not sure it had a lock), and we walked right in. It was exactly the same, and had the same sweet, familiar smell of resiny pine boards warmed in the sun, surrounded by fragrant balsam firs. Our heights were still pencilled on the wood beside the door in the kitchen.

Dad was still the tallest.

*How I adored that library! I can’t count how many hours I spent in its dusty embrace. I wish they still stamped library books and had those little cards in the cute pockets. Since we came back every summer and/or were affiliated with the lab, we were able to take out as many books as year-round patrons, a benefit I always appreciated.

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Piece of Cake

August 2, 2008

I wonder what it is about me that makes my neighbors take culinary pity on me? In my old place, the fabulous P was always dropping by with wonderful things like muffins, tiny brownies, and gingerbread that she had made. These little bites of heaven were generally small enough to be pretty much guilt-free (and after all, every girl deserves some indulgence) but hot out of the oven, draped prettily in a fresh tea towel. They were edible hugs.

Yesterday, I was talking to my boss on the phone when B approached me with a piece of chocolate cake. (I should probably mention here that I have a habit of pacing while on the phone, so I usually go outside and walk up and down the sidewalk while chatting.) Needless to say, cake took precedence over work, so I put Boss on hold to take the cake. It was on a paper plate with pink and red hearts on it, and covered with plastic wrap, thoughtfully held up in a tent-like manner by toothpicks to keep it off the icing. I haven’t tasted it yet, but it looks good. Both B and C(ake) are so sweet!

Sometimes neighbors can be great. And/or amusing. My old friend came back for another withdrawal from the First Bank of Suzy the other night, knocking on the door at 1 am with a request for $20 to get him to the City and back for his janitorial job, for which he was already late. A much more plausible tale, but he only got $15, since that’s all I had at the time. After the usual declarations of affection, he took off into the night. I wonder how long it will take for him to pay me back. I feel more confident that he will this time, since he may well want to get another loan. And my rates are so reasonable.

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Freaky Friday

August 1, 2008

Well, you’d never know I’d swept up in the laundry room (which doubles as the kittens’ salle de bain) this morning, thanks to the dashing litterbox stylings of the Beautiful June Bug. While June was doing that, the (now slightly less) Adorable Audrey Grey was knocking over one of the pair of conga drums in the livingroom, happily watching it loudly bounce while I struggled vainly to keep up my end of a phone conversation about venture capital with a guy in New York.

Guess who was having a better morning?

When I emerged from the bowels of the Montgomery BART station, I was greeted by the flawless blue sky and a guy carrying a sign that said, “PRISON IS SLAVERY/EMPLOYEES ARE KKK” on it. As I passed him, he said “I’m an American Muslim! We should all be fighting against terror!” I’m no expert, but given that around 40% of the prison population is African-American*, and that the budget for improving San Quentin’s Death Row(!) is projected to be more than $40 million over the original cost, there’s something seriously wrong. Oh, and after they spend all that money on Death Row, it may well be overpopulated within 3 years. And this in the only state without a budget as of July 1, and one with a $15 billion shortfall.

On my way home, there was a woman with a spectacularly loud and undisciplined pair of kids who cheerfully shared their ear-piercing displeasure with life in general and the train in particular. Although it was all in Spanish, we all got the general idea. They were so loud that the guy who had passed out on (or possibly in) his collection of overstuffed garbage bags actually woke up from his stupor and stared at them balefully. A guy who was lucky enough to exit the train at West Oakland, the first stop on the wrong side of the Bay, leaned in and said “They outta throw you off this train, you kids so loud” to wild applause.

Two stops later, I practically ran off the train. It was only three stops from the office, but if it was any further, I would have just gotten off and waited for the next one. On the bright side, it did make the bus ride with the Malt Liquor Guys (one on each side of me, accessorized with an open can discreetly robed in brown paper) and the Crazy Old Lady (rocking back and forth and repeating “I gotta go to the doctor - get my BRAIN checked out” over and over again) a positive joy.

*According to CNN, more than three times as many black people live in prison cells as in college dorms.

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Don’t Leave Home Without It

July 31, 2008

Note to Self: even if you think you know where you’re going, even if you’re sure it’s perfectly simple and there’s no chance at all of your getting lost, bring the GPS. Just bring it. You’ll thank yourself later.

I went to see Steely Dan* at the Greek Theatre at UC Berkeley (the closest I’ll ever get to that august temple of higher learning) on a balmy evening. I was thrilled about seeing the century-old outdoor theater, built by William Randolph Hearst**, which has hosted both the divine Sarah Bernhardt and the divine Bob Dylan, among many others. How many venues can make that claim?

I was also looking forward to seeing Steely Dan, who first charmed me with their wit and irony floating on incandescent melodies when I was in high school. I thought it would be easy to just pop over to Berkeley: no bridges, no traffic, perfectly straightforward directions. I figured I didn’t need the GPS just this once.

I was, of course, wrong.

I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up hopelessly lost. Everyone I asked for directions told me something different, and none of them were right. I finally found Telegraph and just drove to the end of it, where I found hordes of concert-goers who could actually tell me where the theater was.

Parking was even harder to find than the theater. I eventually found a place, and it turned out be about 15 minutes’ walk away, up and down hills (though with a stunning view of the Bay and the famous Campanile). Needless to say, I got lost again (I don’t even need a car to do that!) and I must have looked so bewildered that a drunk, slightly crazed homeless guy took pity on me and told me which way to go. You know it’s bad when the drunk, slightly crazed homeless guy has way more of a clue than you do.

I was nearly an hour late (or Suzy standard time) by the time I got there, but so was Steely Dan, who took the stage right when I took my seat. I’m guessing that Mr. Hearst didn’t have the audience experience at the theater, because you’re jammed together closer than on a discount airline, and the seats are non-comfy cement. The girl sitting behind me thought it was a good idea to cross her legs, firmly wedging one of her wedges into my ass, while the stoned old pony-tailed guy beside me played air drums for the whole show.

I had no idea that Steely Dan was so big with aging hippie and/or dope smoking population, but I can tell you from personal experience that it was pretty hard to get a breath of air in the outdoor (and theoretically non-smoking) arena that wasn’t liberally laced with weed.

The show was great, and worth all the trouble of getting there. And I learned a valuable lesson: always bring your GPS with you. You never know if you’ll find a drunk, slightly crazed homeless guy when you need one.

*When I learned the origin of their name, I immediately wished I didn’t know. ~shudder~ It was like finding out that James Spader and William Shatner don’t get along that well in real life, despite portraying one of the most touching and complex male friendships in the history of TV on the wonderful Boston Legal. Ignorance is pretty much always bliss as far as I’m concerned.

**Is it just me, or did Mr. Hearst have a fancy for the ancient Greek and Roman? I mean, look at Hearst Castle. Also, I wonder what he’d make of his great-granddaughter’s modeling career.

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Buttons and Bows

July 26, 2008

I’m in the middle of reading Plan B by Jonathan Tropper* (I promise to write another book report soon; I have been reading, though not writing), and came across this:

“Alison’s neighbors were Mia Farrow, Diane Keaton, Tony Randall, Carly Simon, Madonna, and a host of other celebrities who could often be spotted between their canopied lobbies and their taxis, hailed for them by uniformed doormen with silver whistles. There was even a button in Alison’s elevator with a little car etched onto it that signaled the doorman that you wanted a cab, so that by the time you stepped out of the elevator depending on how high up you lived, he was already out there hailing you one. If you lived in the penthouse, there might already be a taxi waiting for you by the time you got down, which was only fair.”

How cool is that? It would definitely do if you didn’t have your own driver, which you probably would if you lived in the penthouse. I could settle for that.

*I’ve been reading his books backwards without realizing it, starting with the newest (The Book of Joe) and ending with the oldest.

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Covet - A Series: Home Sweet Home

July 25, 2008



Behind Door Number One, this $3.6 million Victorian, in my former neighborhood, Pacific Heights. Sometimes I can’t believe I used to own an apartment there. It seems so long ago, a lifetime ago.

Details of this dream house are here while it’s still on the market.



For a mere $100,000 more than Door Number One, Door Number Two can be yours. See the possibilities here while it lasts.



And finally, for a mere $3.5 million, you can buy this beauty just doors away from my old place. I always admired this building as I walked past.

The Covets are all things I could never have in real life. But if I could live anywhere, it would be San Francisco, and it would be Pacific Heights. Sure, a pied ? terre in Paris or a brownstone in New York or a Malibu beach house sound glamorous, but they could never be home.

A girl can dream. And Covet.

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Firestarter

July 22, 2008


The remains of the planter. Wonder if I’ll still get my security deposit back?

I was making dinner when I heard a popping noise. At first I thought it was the cats, but it kept going, so I went to look. Following it out to the porch, I saw that the (empty) wooden planter next to the porch was on fire! I ran to get the hose, dragged it over, and started spraying water on the blaze. As the water gushed over the smoldering planter, I wondered how on earth the fire could have started. The planter doesn?t have a plant in it, I haven?t been using the barbecue, there was no lightning or stolen car to dispose of. Do I have a secret enemy or an neighbor whose hobby is arson? It?s a mystery.

All evening, I kept checking the planter remains for sparks and smoke, even though I had thoroughly soaked it. I looked at the dry lawn and the weeds in the driveway in a new light, imagining the fire spreading, the house going up in flames. I was glad that I had been making dinner and had the back door open. What if I hadn?t heard the noise, hadn?t gone to investigate? Later, I watched A Letter to Three Wives, one of whose stars, the beautiful Linda Darnell, perished in a house fire at the age of 41.

I did not sleep well.

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Not Ready for His Close-Up, Mr. DeMille

July 20, 2008



A slightly better picture of Henry. He doesn’t look very pleased at having his nap disturbed just so I can share his handsomeness with the world. Even if he knew, I doubt if he’d feel any differently about it. He’s that kind of guy.

This morning, he was waiting for me beside the porch steps, a first for him. He usually waits beside his bachelor pad under the porch, where his matching bowls and cozy bed are. Today he hissed at me and talked all the way to the other side of porch, explaining how little he cared that I wanted to sleep in and how much he wanted his food.

I petted him as he passed me on the way to the dish, and he swiped at me. You know how boys are.

And no remarks on the state of the lawn. I know, I know. I really should mow it, but it’s littered with plum minefields, all squashy and stainy, the terror of shoes. And we’re in a drought, so I’m not allowed to water it, even if I wanted to.

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Ant and Be



There’s nothing like discovering a home invasion first thing in the morning. You hardly need coffee after a surprise like that.

It was foggy inside (my head) and outside (the house) this particular morning, par for the course of a Northern California summer (insert Mark Twain remark here). But as I reached for my remaining favorite coffee cup*, I noticed that the teeny kitchen counter was teeming with ants.

I had been invaded while I slept!

I removed them with wet paper towels, shuddering and trying not to scream. How can anything so small be so gross? As I tossed the carcasses into the garbage and hastily removed the evidence to the bin outside, it occurred to me that the Oakland hills may in fact be ant hills.

Think about it.



After a gentle reader gently nudged me to update, I added the latest Covet and then noticed how long it had been since I posted anything. Combining Sloth and Envy! Also that I seem to have been taking the “A picture is worth a thousand words” adage literally, since it’s practically become a picture book around here.

Time to catch up on my non-fabulous life.



The Ant Invasion Day also included:

• A broken glass on the kitchen floor, which I noticed by stepping on the wet remains while recoiling from the ants. I now have two glasses besides the Elvis movie ones which I’m afraid to use with the Commando Cats on the prowl. I have been reduced to acrylic glasses which almost immediately got scratched and now have the look of perma-fog. A minor hardship for the aesthetically inclined.

• Going to the hardware store to buy ant traps, I passed a guy with a cute pit bull. I asked if I could pet her, and he agreed, so I petted her and told her boy how beautiful and good-natured she was. “Yeah,” he observed, “if I could, I’d marry her. Least I know she’d be faithful, know what I’m saying?” He smiled, displaying all gold front teeth. He’d be quite the catch, too.
• On my way home, there was someone being arrested at the gas station on the corner. Again. And when I got home, I noticed smoldering remains across the street. Neighbor B, returned from Florida, miracle-free, informed me that someone had left a stolen car there, then come back later to torch it. Just another day in Oakland.
• The Safeway has been remodeled and improved, which means that nothing is where it was and all the customers are wandering around in there like something out of Night of the Living Dead. I finally located the fizzy Calistoga water among the soda (the non-fizzy water is stored several aisles over), and was putting it my cart when Ray the Safeway Guy held up a bottle of blood orange soda and urged me to try it. “It’s a real screamer! Try it once and you’re hooked, just like Pall Malls.”

Who could resist? And it turned out he was right. After I put the bottle in my cart, the Temptations came on, and Ray started doing the Temptations walk down the aisle. He convinced me to join him on his way back, so there we were, dancing down the soda aisle. Ray may have missed his calling.

Just another day in Oakland.

*It’s a reproduction of the classic New York take-out cup with the legend “We are happy to serve you”, only in ceramic. It’s Number One because of the untimely demise of my irreplaceable daisy mug in the kitchen sink. There may be a conspiracy here.

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Covet - A Series: Audrey Hepburn

July 19, 2008



Everything Audrey (That neck! Those eyes! That style!), but especially this gown by the great Hubert de Givenchy, which she wore in Sabrina. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship - Givenchy dressed Audrey for the rest of her elegant life.



Or this one, from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It sold at auction in 2006 for over $930,000! So it’s not just Me.

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Covet - A Series: Lulu Guinness

July 13, 2008



I’d prefer the pink one on the left, but would happily accept any of these fabulous Lulu Guinness handbags - if you could find one.

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Wondering

July 11, 2008

My boss (and friend) is a huge Stevie Wonder fan. Every time the subject of Stevie comes up, and you’d be surprised how often it does, he tells me earnestly “Stevie can play every instrument, you know.” I always act like I’ve never heard this before, and Boss goes on to outline a certain album where Stevie really did play every instrument, etc.

So you can imagine how excited he was to learn that Stevie Wonder himself would be playing the unfortunately named Sleep Train Pavilion* this week. However, Fate - actually, work - had other plans, so he ended up in Chicago and I ended up in traffic.

As I crawled slowly down Highway 24, I had the A’s game on the radio and thought sarcastically, “At this rate, I’ll get to hear the end of the game.” Little did I know how right I’d be, since the game finished in under two hours (the A’s won** 2-0) and the traffic didn’t. I was beginning to wish Stevie had just called to say he loved me.

As I sat in an endless stream of cars on the seemingly endless Ygnacio Valley Road, amid Porsches and Mercedesesezzz, it occurred to me that traffic is pretty much the only thing that being rich can’t get you out of. The people in their richmobiles were just as stuck as I was, and they couldn’t escape or go any faster, either.

I found this a remarkably comforting thought.

When I finally got to the show, I was, of course, late, late being my natural state. It was a great show, and I was surprised by how many younger fans were there. The two girls in front of me were probably 18 and sang along to every song, swaying and dancing blissfully despite the 96 degree heat. Stevie was charming and gave it everything he had, which is saying something for a legend who’s been in show business for more than 50 years.

A couple of days later, I had my hair re-blonded and shaped so it’s bouncy and pretty again. My stylist mentioned that she went to the show, too, so I said how heinous the traffic was. She then told me that she could have told me a much faster and all-around better way to go, being a native of Concord, if only she’d known.

If only I’d known, too.

*Why can’t corporations keep their names OFF arenas and stadiums? Wouldn’t it be much classier to buy a place and keep calling it, say, Concord Pavilion than slapping your company name on it? Or to start off that way, instead of being Pac Bell Park, AT & T Park, etc., just be DiMaggio Field or McCovey Park? And while I’m at it, I’ll just say how despicable I find it that the Yankees are abandoning their historic, 85 year old stadium for a new, bigger one, all in the name of, you guessed it, more money.

**The A’s seem to be pleased that I moved to their town. They’re currently second in the American League West, and won both games I’ve been to this year.

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Transitory

July 9, 2008

I took my first cab today since moving to Oakland.

It’s still approximately the same temperature here as it is on the sun, and I dragged the remains of the fabulosity formerly known as Suzy from the BART station, only to see the bus I needed - wanted at that point, so lowly have my desires become - pull away from the curb and go merrily on its way. The thought of waiting for 15 to 20 minutes in the wrinkle- and sweat- inducing blazing heat could not have been a less appealing prospect, even when thoughtfully provided with a bottle of water and a library book.

Looking up from the deeply disappointing schedule, I noticed a line of happy yellow cabs, sitting across the street, calling my name.

Who was I to resist?

So I hopped in, and on the way home pondered the following:

• Do I still get credit for taking the bus to BART, even though I took a cab home? It’s a “Spare the Air” day, due to heat and smog and smoke, so we are supposed to take public transit (which used to be free on Spare the Air days, but now isn’t, like many airline amenities). So is a cab bad, or, since it’s used by other people, sort of serial car pooling, sort of OK?

• Why is it always so much better to be driven than to drive oneself? Even the skankiness of popular murder location International Boulevard seems merely colorful from the back seat of a hired vehicle.
• Why is it that cabs and hotels, where you know other people have sat and slept (among other things), seem luxurious and delightful, whereas the reason I have never gone bowling is the shoes? I can’t stand the thought of wearing shoes previously worn by a parade of total strangers of unknown hygiene. Who are bowlers.

By then I was home. Oh, and I finally used up my BART ticket! Well, one of them, anyway. Due to carelessness and general personality disorders, I tend to not have exact change and just add $5 onto a ticket I already have. Or go crazy and get a $10 one (the actual fare, which I know you are dying to know, is $6.60. Is it any wonder that I never have that exact amount?). I usually have no fewer than five BART tickets with 10 or 20 cents on them floating around in my purse at any given time.

But today I have one less, because I not only had the exact change, but I dared to use it. It was surprisingly satisfying to have the ticket vanish into the turnstile, never to be seen (at least by Me) again.

Now if I can just use up the rest of them…

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